The Kelly Show

If this were a sitcom, the guy I was seeing would somehow find this on my computer, freak out, and dump me for no reason.

But that sort of thing doesn't happen in real life, right? Well, not to most people. To me? Possibly.

Last year, shortly before things fell apart with the guy I'd been seeing, I received Destinations Weddings and Honeymoons in the mail. I'm fairly certain he saw it. Within a few weeks, we'd broken up for "wanting different things" despite never once having had a conversation about what we "wanted."

Coincidence or sitcom-type misunderstanding?

We may never know.

But really, I'm pretty sure about that sex slavery thing.

So, I'm back in the dating game. I took time off after the last fella didn't go so well. But now I'm at it again. This time, I'm playing the OKCupid game. It's free, so why not? You do get a lot of weirdos and freaks, but it's also kind of a fun game to play. I've turned it into a group activity--we all sit around with our laptops and phones and sort through our matches and emails.

Anyway, allow me to tell you about Gentleman Caller #3.
We'd talked online for a week or so before our first date. We'd been texting and talking prior to that, so I had high hopes. The date was a solid B, maybe a B minus due to length. He has a crazy schedule, so he could only stay out an hour or so. But the date was good. I would totally see him again. Or so I thought.

Since then, he's been trying really hard to get an invite to my apartment. Because I watch a lot of true crime shows, I'm fairly certain he plans to murder me or sell me into sex slavery. Other people have pointed out that he's probably just thinking apartment = sex or that he's being funny and flirty. But really, I'm pretty sure about the sex slavery thing. I've watched Vanished with Beth Halloway.

I've been evading the question with oh, my place is really messy. Or why don't we just meet up instead. I don't feel like cooking tonight. But he keeps asking.

Alright, so it's probably the apartment equals sex thing. And I don't deny that. But here's the thing. That? Is MY move. When I'm ready to take it to a sexy times level, I invite the guy over for dinner and then afterward, what do you know? We end up having sex! Why I do declare, I never expected that to happen! That CERTAINLY wasn't my intention when I invited you for a nice home-cooked meal of Love Lasagna.

So he's trying to force my move! Or was.

Today, we had this exchange:
He: Why are you so hesitant to have me over?
Me: Because we just met. You might be planning to murder me or sell me into sex slavery.

I'm trying to lighten the mood with a joke here. I don't really believe this.

Me: Besides, it isn't like you are exactly inviting me over to your place.
He: Well, if you won't have me over why would I think you would come to my place?
He: Just forget it.
Me: I understand

Okay. At that point, I was like...done. If he can't understand that it isn't SAFE to have someone you just met on the internet over to your home, then yes, let's forget it.

He: Understand what?
Me: I thought you were saying forget seeing each other because I was being too difficult.
He: No, I'm just frustrated. I've had a rough week.
Me: I would be happy to hang out. I would even participate in kissing type activities.

And no response.

So, unless he explains that this was a huge miscommunication and apologizes for making me uncomfortable and concedes that having a virtual stranger into your home is a dangerous thing for a single girl to do, then I'm done. All of this is taking place via text and I often don't get that I'm being teased. At least, not when the person is still very unfamiliar to me.

I might be done anyway. Seriously, one date and I'm this irritated. Not boding well for Gentleman Caller #3. Looks like GC2 is edging ahead now.

Pandora's Secret

I have a few notices from Pandora's Secret in my inbox that always prompt an "OMG, I should archive that...what if someone were to see!" response each time they catch my eye.

Pandora's Secret, however, is not an *ahem* adult sexual wellness site. It's not the place I go for bikini waxes. It's not a lingerie store.

It's a nail salon.

A nail salon that fills me with Southern Baptist Shame* when I see I see the emails.

Those guys should really have considered a different name. Even Pandora's Spa would have been better.

*I wasn't actually raised Southern Baptist. I was raised in the Church of Christ. All the Baptist restrictions without the musical accompaniment. But I wasn't sure people would get Church of Christ Shame.

Which do you think?

Poll #1748229 Doctor

If I'm only going to see ONE doctor this month, which doctor should I see?

Dentist for follow-up cleaning (had cleaning and xrays last month)
Lady Doctor (2 years since last visit)
Oncologist for follow-up I was supposed to do in 2008
Internist for follow-up I was supposed to do in 2008
Dermatologist for follow-up I should have done a year ago
Regular doctor for B12 shots to stave off Alzheimer's

Old Navy Pride Shirts

Old Navy is selling super-cute pride shirts this year.

The rest

Unfortunately, they will only be sold in 26 stores and not online at all.

The stores

I'm quite excited about the two Dallas stores. The toddlers shirts are in stock now. The adults are supposed to be in on Tuesday. Why yes. I did just spend WAY too much time researching that.

Vampire Diaries

Watching the Vampire Diaries. Don't understand why Katherine couldn't call the gang and tell them what was up. Klaus only said she couldn't LEAVE.