Log in

The Misadventures of Berrylicious

Recent Attacks

October 31st, 2011



October 11th, 2011

The Kelly Show


If this were a sitcom, the guy I was seeing would somehow find this on my computer, freak out, and dump me for no reason.

But that sort of thing doesn't happen in real life, right? Well, not to most people. To me? Possibly.

Last year, shortly before things fell apart with the guy I'd been seeing, I received Destinations Weddings and Honeymoons in the mail. I'm fairly certain he saw it. Within a few weeks, we'd broken up for "wanting different things" despite never once having had a conversation about what we "wanted."

Coincidence or sitcom-type misunderstanding?

We may never know.

June 29th, 2011

So, I'm back in the dating game. I took time off after the last fella didn't go so well. But now I'm at it again. This time, I'm playing the OKCupid game. It's free, so why not? You do get a lot of weirdos and freaks, but it's also kind of a fun game to play. I've turned it into a group activity--we all sit around with our laptops and phones and sort through our matches and emails.

Anyway, allow me to tell you about Gentleman Caller #3.
We'd talked online for a week or so before our first date. We'd been texting and talking prior to that, so I had high hopes. The date was a solid B, maybe a B minus due to length. He has a crazy schedule, so he could only stay out an hour or so. But the date was good. I would totally see him again. Or so I thought.

Since then, he's been trying really hard to get an invite to my apartment. Because I watch a lot of true crime shows, I'm fairly certain he plans to murder me or sell me into sex slavery. Other people have pointed out that he's probably just thinking apartment = sex or that he's being funny and flirty. But really, I'm pretty sure about the sex slavery thing. I've watched Vanished with Beth Halloway.

I've been evading the question with oh, my place is really messy. Or why don't we just meet up instead. I don't feel like cooking tonight. But he keeps asking.

Alright, so it's probably the apartment equals sex thing. And I don't deny that. But here's the thing. That? Is MY move. When I'm ready to take it to a sexy times level, I invite the guy over for dinner and then afterward, what do you know? We end up having sex! Why I do declare, I never expected that to happen! That CERTAINLY wasn't my intention when I invited you for a nice home-cooked meal of Love Lasagna.

So he's trying to force my move! Or was.

Today, we had this exchange:
He: Why are you so hesitant to have me over?
Me: Because we just met. You might be planning to murder me or sell me into sex slavery.

I'm trying to lighten the mood with a joke here. I don't really believe this.

Me: Besides, it isn't like you are exactly inviting me over to your place.
He: Well, if you won't have me over why would I think you would come to my place?
He: Just forget it.
Me: I understand

Okay. At that point, I was like...done. If he can't understand that it isn't SAFE to have someone you just met on the internet over to your home, then yes, let's forget it.

He: Understand what?
Me: I thought you were saying forget seeing each other because I was being too difficult.
He: No, I'm just frustrated. I've had a rough week.
Me: I would be happy to hang out. I would even participate in kissing type activities.

And no response.

So, unless he explains that this was a huge miscommunication and apologizes for making me uncomfortable and concedes that having a virtual stranger into your home is a dangerous thing for a single girl to do, then I'm done. All of this is taking place via text and I often don't get that I'm being teased. At least, not when the person is still very unfamiliar to me.

I might be done anyway. Seriously, one date and I'm this irritated. Not boding well for Gentleman Caller #3. Looks like GC2 is edging ahead now.

June 15th, 2011

Pandora's Secret

I have a few notices from Pandora's Secret in my inbox that always prompt an "OMG, I should archive that...what if someone were to see!" response each time they catch my eye.

Pandora's Secret, however, is not an *ahem* adult sexual wellness site. It's not the place I go for bikini waxes. It's not a lingerie store.

It's a nail salon.

A nail salon that fills me with Southern Baptist Shame* when I see I see the emails.

Those guys should really have considered a different name. Even Pandora's Spa would have been better.

*I wasn't actually raised Southern Baptist. I was raised in the Church of Christ. All the Baptist restrictions without the musical accompaniment. But I wasn't sure people would get Church of Christ Shame.

June 2nd, 2011

Which do you think?

Poll #1748229 Doctor

If I'm only going to see ONE doctor this month, which doctor should I see?

Dentist for follow-up cleaning (had cleaning and xrays last month)
Lady Doctor (2 years since last visit)
Oncologist for follow-up I was supposed to do in 2008
Internist for follow-up I was supposed to do in 2008
Dermatologist for follow-up I should have done a year ago
Regular doctor for B12 shots to stave off Alzheimer's

June 1st, 2011

Old Navy Pride Shirts

Old Navy is selling super-cute pride shirts this year.

The rest

Unfortunately, they will only be sold in 26 stores and not online at all.

The stores

I'm quite excited about the two Dallas stores. The toddlers shirts are in stock now. The adults are supposed to be in on Tuesday. Why yes. I did just spend WAY too much time researching that.

May 26th, 2011

That's a Terrible Idea

This image is bringing me much joy today.

Don't worry...this has nothing to do with violence against women. It's about a make-over she got. But it amuses me.

April 22nd, 2011

Vampire Diaries

Watching the Vampire Diaries. Don't understand why Katherine couldn't call the gang and tell them what was up. Klaus only said she couldn't LEAVE.

March 8th, 2011


I've decided to participate in Lent this year. I'm for sure giving up glutton and sloth as I like the cardinal sin theme. But I've also considered giving up swearing and gossiping like yaycoffee. However, I worry that giving up gossiping would require me to give up Oh No They Didn't and Just Jared and other such sites.

Does celebrity gossip count as gossip?

March 7th, 2011

Separated at birth?

Is it just me? Or does Zac Ephron look a whole lot like Dean Winchester?

February 25th, 2011


Has anyone else been getting spammed on old posts? This old post about me crashing my bike into my car keeps getting random spammy posts by people with only a tentative grasp of the English language.

Also, I think the Garcia in my icon is sipping a lemonade which looks like a mojito which sounds REALLY nice. Will someone make me some sangria? That would be lovely. Thanks.

February 3rd, 2011


So, I often have these thoughts like "OMG, I haven't seen any of my friends in DAYS!" Or, "OMG, I can't spend any more time in my apartment! I've been in here for DAYS!"

Neither of those things are true.

I spent all day with Sara and her roommates yesterday. Since the February Ice-ident occurred, I've spent very LITTLE time in my apartment. I worked the first day. I spent all day yesterday at Sara's. I'm at work today.

None of these things are true, but somehow, I still feel them. My brain is on the fritz.

January 13th, 2011

Feed the Beast

Three days of diet and yoga. Two classes in under 12 hours.

I am so hungry.

December 30th, 2010

2011 Resolutions

So, last year's resolutions didn't go to well. I shall try harder this year.

1. Start the Smarty Pants Book Club and become more well-read.

2. Start the Doing Cultured Things Society. On the docket? Go to an opera and a ballet.

3. Visit three places I've never been. I have plans to go to Breckenridge in February. I'd also like to go to the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon and to Amarillo.

4. Explore new hobbies/activities. I might want to try archery and toastmasters.

5. Go on one official bike ride per month, starting in February. What? The ones in January suck!

6. Remember birthdays.

7. Ski a black diamond.

8. Grow hair past bra strap.

9. Buy hubcaps for car (again!)

10. Go to doctors and dentists like a grown up. First up, the dermatologist and dentist!

11. Take better care of body with stuff like nightly skin care and more diligent flossing.

12. 2011 shall be the year of waxing!
Okay, so the 2010 resolutions didn't go so great.

Let's look at last year...

1. Lose 25 pounds. I lost them before, found them again. Need to lose them again.
Negatory. Gained more instead. Oops.

2. Go to the gym or do some sort of physical activity each week.
Well, I tried. I did join a yoga studio, went rock climbing, and began working out with a friend. And I bought a Wii Fit. But the resolution itself is unfulfilled.

3. Train for a long bike ride. Somewhere in the 50 mile range, if not more. I'd love to do the Austin to Shiner ride.
I think I rode like 4 times last year. LOSER!

4. Cook one new recipe a week.
BAHAHA! Not at all. I did try some new ones though.

5. Read 50 books.
YAY! I did this one! I read a total of 53 books this year, including a smarty pants book and a biography.

6. Go to a new state. I'm thinking California, Utah, Illinois, or Maryland.
Yay! I win again! I went to Maryland.

7. Visit friends/family in Houston.
Nope. I suck.

8. Watch all the Oscar nominated movies, unless there are 10 nominees for Best Picture.
Nope. Lose again.

9. Do stand up.

10. Learn to knit gloves.
I'm still working on a scarf from 2009.

Here is my January to-do.

1. Clean out closets.
I did this a few times. One of my closets is AMAZINGLY organized. Plus, I got a bunch of plastic bins at Lowes after Christmas, so I have high hopes for organization in the new year.

2. Organize bills.
Thanks to Taryn, I did this. It was November, but it got done.

3. Watch Mad Men and Dexter.
Instead, I admitted I don't watch those shows anymore.

4. Redo my cubicle at work.

5. Go to the Bodies exhibit.
It was May, but I went.

6. Find and make appointment for dentist and dermatologist.
Negative on the dentist, but positive on the dermatologist. It resulted in a hunk being cut out of my shoulder.

December 6th, 2010


I've been growing my hair out. I've decided to keep going for a while. Maybe I'll donate it. Maybe I'll keep going until I can go topless and hide behind a curtain of hair.

There's only one problem...and I will pose it to you, dear readers:

How do you deal with always getting it trapped under your purse, laying on it, just always getting tangled up in it?

I'm going a little nuts here.

November 11th, 2010

Nothing to see here

Like most animals, Sophie can't get traction on smooth surfaces. Tonight, she hopped onto the bottom shelf of the entertainment center and tried to sit still. Her little front paws kept sliding out from under her, over and over again. She kept looking at me as if to say, nothing to see here. I'm totally doing this on purpose.

Or in her case, "nothin' ta see hier. Ah'm tote'ly doin' this on puhrpus."

I giggled into my pillow until she got frustrated and hopped away, feet slip-sliding the whole time.

Not my best moment

I was in the book store Tuesday night, and I saw one of my ex's friends.

My reaction?

I ducked into the nearest aisle and hid until she went away.

Now why did I choose to do this? She probably wouldn't recognize me...I hung out with her for a few hours six months ago. And even if she did recognize me, why would that matter? It isn't like I was in a porn shop. I was in the fiction section of a book store. It wasn't like I looking at something embarrassing; I wasn't carrying around a stack of Twilight books or cheesy romance novels.

Nevertheless, my immediate reaction was hiding, so I did that for like half an hour while she chatted with someone. Even worse, I wasn't even on the aisle I needed to be on!


Not my best moment.

But when I went home, I had a new Glee waiting for me, and the clip below has been filling me with joy ever since.

So sweet! *swoons*Collapse )
Powered by LiveJournal.com